The 180s terrify me. It’s my tripping stone, my stumbling block. It’s where I f*ck up. I’ve only been past the 180s once, and that was back in 2006. The times after that have been unsuccessful. I usually reach about the low 180s, and then I start reverting back to old habits. Even though the 170s are so close, I can never push through and taste victory. I give in and let all my hard work go to waste.
Why?
I stop branching out and trying new things. I stop inspiring myself. I stop trying to get better, stronger, and faster. I stop incorporating new exercises and activities. I get tired and lose motivation because the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t getting any brighter or closer. I usually feel like my efforts have been in vain because I’m not at goal weight. I lose sight of all the hard work I’ve put in. Instead of focusing on the process, I only concentrate on the results.
I want my chocolate, my ice cream, my cookies, my cupcakes, my frosting, my cakes, my country fried steak, my carne asada cheese fries. I get fed up with my “diet” and eventually, my mind caves in. I will have one meal where I eat everything imaginable. Then I feel bad. So I have another meal where I eat everything in sight. And pretty soon, I’m back up to the 200s. I let guilt consume me. I let one day dictate a few months’ decisions. Instead of realizing that it’s just one freaking meal, I blow it out of proportion and think it’s the end of the world. It’s really not that big of a deal, but I forget that.
I want to see the pounds drop off. I want to get to the 170s. And when it doesn’t happen, I start freaking out. Everything becomes about the number. Why is it not working? What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I lose faster? I start losing motivation because, instead of being concerned with baby steps, I focus on taking gigantic leaps. I forget that many baby steps lead up to one huge leap.
But it’s different now…
I love what I’m doing, but I incorporate new activities all the time. I love running, but running one mile isn’t exciting for me any more. I will still aim for the 8:30 mile but I don’t get the same thrill from running one mile as I used to. There’s bigger, better fish in the ocean to go after. There’s the 10K, the Half Marathon, a FULL marathon, trail races, Ultramarathons, mud runs, Warrior Dash. The possibilities are endless. There are SO many things out there to train for. You can always be better.
I want to complete a triathlon. I’ve been researching road bikes. I’ve been cycling on the stationary bike, but that’s not enough. I’m mustering up enough courage to get in a swim suit and hop in the pool. It’s coming. Monday.
I love weight lifting, and when compared to Day One, my workouts are extremely different now. I am lifting heavier. I am super and triple setting. I am using the bosu ball. I am doing push-ups. Assisted pull-ups. Deadlifts. I will start incorporating tabata as well as CrossFit exercises.
I read. I research. I watch youtube videos. I look at other people’s training logs. I watch the CrossFit exercise demos and replicate it at home with some light household objects, like a broom, before I attempt it at the gym. I focus on form. And I continuously increase my weights. If I can bench 80 pounds today, I will try 85 pounds the next time. If I can do an assisted pull-up with 100-pounds counter, I will try with 90-pounds next time.
By not being repetitive with my exercises, I am challenging myself on a daily basis and that’s what keeps me inspired. I can see and feel improvement on a small scale, which distracts me from focusing only on the big picture.
There’s nothing I can’t have. By refusing to have an “off-limits” list, I just eat what I want, when I want. I bought myself yogurt-covered raisins yesterday from Trader Joe’s and they are heavenly. I thoroughly enjoyed every single piece. Guilt-free eating has liberated me mentally. I don’t feel bad for eating. I don’t feel the need to punish myself, physically or emotionally, for any food-related decisions. Punishing myself got me nowhere. It got me to 263 pounds. I’m loving myself this time.
I realize that I can cook just about every and anything. I can make carne asada cheese fries. I can make pasta, pizza, chicken nuggets, burgers. You name it. My taste buds are no longer slave to the fast food industry or restaurants. What they can make, I can too. It doesn’t take talent, only dedication and practice. I learned to enjoy cooking. I find it fun to alter recipes and add my own twist to familiar dishes. I love finding new things to try. I am constantly writing down vegetables that I’ve never had before. Brussels sprouts. Fiddleheads. Ramps.
I stalk Foodgawker every day, but instead of being jealous of what other people are eating, I just make my own version later. I have finally developed a balanced, loving relationship with food. It’s no longer my enemy. It’s a loving friend who wants to nourish me, mentally and physically.
I am more than just a number. The 180s don’t define what I can do. If I keep working at it, I know the pounds will come off. It’s only a matter of time, and I’m not too concerned with how long it’ll take because I know it’s a lifelong journey. What’s one year in the grand scheme of things?
Just because the 180s tripped me up in the past doesn’t mean I will let it hinder me again. I am more disciplined, more determined, and simply much better than that. I am not going to let the 180s become my tripping stone again. I will keep working hard. I will continue to strive to be better.
I won’t give up. I’ve come too far already to call it quits.
What is your tripping stone?
Insalata Caprese – Dinner: slices of tomato, fresh mozzarella cheese, and basil topped with balsamic vinegar.
Asparagus, Ground Beef and Feta Pasta – Dinner: pasta with sauteed garlic, onions, mushrooms, asparagus, cherry tomatoes, ground beef, ground pork, parsley, and lemon juice topped with feta cheese.
Consumption: 2109 calories, 53.7g of fat.
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Workout: Deadlifts. Romanian deadlifts. Walking lunges. Assisted pull-ups.
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I ran a trial 5K run and finished 3 miles in 30:45. No more running until Sunday!
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Female. 25 years old. Chinese. Cook. Foodie. UCLA grad. Traveler. Musician. Scuba diver. GWU Law. Runner.
My tripping stone is 200. It’s a bitch and I mess up every time I get close. I know you won’t give up this time and neither will I.
You seem to have a totally different mind set this time than you had before, and I think that it is the mental stuff that makes all the difference.
Not to gush, but you are totally my weight loss inspiration. I would like to lose 35lbs by my birthday (in August), so I’m trying to follow the Halfofjess-style plan. Of course, my attitude is still adjusting and I’m still trying to figure out how to make my body let go of some pounds, but when I see how far you’ve come with all your hard work, it really makes me feel like I can do it too!
180 is not going to trip you up this time Jess. You are going to blow through the 180s and make friends with the 170s on the way to completing your brand new you!
My tripping stone has thus far has proven to be the 240s. I’ve been stuck here for MONTHS and it’s driving me nuts!!!!!!! Sometimes I feel like I just don’t want it bad enough and that’s why I can’t push through, but I’m so desperate to be out of the 240s by the end of May. Let’s be awesome together!
.-= Lauren´s last blog Blog Awards, Running, and Meal Planning…Huzzah! =-.
I think I’m getting to that point of boredom and failure to keep mixing things up. I know mentally that I’ve made good progress (83 lbs in about 19 weeks) but it seems like I’ve been doing this forever and I’ve been wanting to eat badly here in there. Even though I feel better than I have in a long time and enjoy the workouts I’m doing and the food I’ve been eating. Having 30 lbs to go when you want to be at your goal is annoying.
I think my tipping point is thinking that I can’t and then never even try. I get to a point where failure is a possibility and then I just quit because the thought of failing at something is worse than actually trying and succeeding.
Not any more though.
Failure only means it wasn’t the right time to succeed.
That time will come.
.-= Tara´s last blog Favorite part… =-.
Mine is setbacks in general. Being sick was a MAJOR one for me that I am still recovering from. I like your attitude though and I need to incorporate some of these things into my life and how I deal with eating.
If you ever decide to post a recipe for carne asada cheese fries please let me know. This is my favorite food and I know what’s in it but how to make a light version is baffling.
.-= Amber´s last blog Choosing The Lesser of 2 Evils When Out With Friends & Family =-.
You are totally right…since there is always something to get better at, there isn’t room for getting bored. A bit tired, sure, but nothing that’d keep you from continuously improving.
Isn’t it awesome when you break through one of those barriers? Mine was 205 I hit it before I plateaued there for a very long time then quit. When I hit it this time I plateaued for a VERY long time but I didn’t quit and now I’m in the 170s, 205 you are out of my life!
.-= Alison´s last blog May 12th Food and Exercise Journal, Ankle update =-.
You are doing great! You will be in the 170′s before too long. And your so right, weight is just a number you are much more than a number. And look at how much you can do that you couldn’t do at 260.
Keep it up!
*amber*
YAY!! OWN IT GIRL!! Personally, my life has become so much more lively and interesting since I threw away my scale. I’m living my life with no concern for the number on the scale (and I’ve been wearing the same jeans for 5 years). When I shifted my focus from how many calories I was eating and what the number on the scale said, I started living my life for ME!
I’m having a lot of fun with my triathlon training. I never ever (IN A BILLION YEARS) thought that I would do a triathlon…but I’m 7 weeks away, and so excited! Hopefully you crash on your bike less than I do. lol.
I wouldn’t say I have a tripping stone with a specific number, but just in general being close to the end. I’ve lost almost 60 pounds at this point, with less than 30 more to go. I’m looking and feeling much better than I was just 5 months ago. And those good feelings are leaving me with less motivation that I used to have. I don’t look in the mirror anymore and hate what I see. I can certainly still see room for improvement, but I don’t look in the mirror anymore and think “oh my god, how did I let it get this bad?”
I just have to keep reminding myself why I really started this in the first place, and what I’m really doing this all for – my kids – and that keeps pushing me through to the end.
.-= Brandon´s last blog Weekly weigh-in #19: Seeing red! =-.
Jess you are an absolute role model, and having the attitude that this is a lifestyle and for the rest of your life is awesome!
My tripping stone is complacency, I get bored or stop trying and become complacent with life. I have decided I don’t want to live my life in a complacent way I want to activly participate in my life. I put my foot down this year that I matter and I want to think that way for the rest of my life.
When I stopped running to lose weight, and just started running for running’s sake my whole fitness outlook changed.
.-= Joe´s last blog A Metal-Heads 10 Best Songs For Working Out =-.
Great attitude Jess!
“I’m not too concerned with how long it’ll take because I know it’s a lifelong journey. What’s one year in the grand scheme of things?”
Well said =) No need to rush things. You get there when you get there. As long as you keep working hard and living healthy, the weight will come.
My biggest tripping stone is the length of time required to lose it all. Next one is my thinking as right now I’m fighting an old habit. Weight dropped big time early this week and last few days I’ve been “treating” myself too much!