On May 9, 2010, I ran the longest and farthest I’ve ever run in my life. 10 miles. 1:58:01. Without shoes.

I won’t lie and tell you it was easy. It wasn’t.
I won’t pretend that it wasn’t painful. It was.
I won’t say that I never wanted to give up. I did want to.

The first five miles went by pretty quickly and was easier than the first five miles of my 6.5 mile run a few days ago. I finished the first five-mile loop in 55:42.

By that time, however, there were only 75 minutes before the park closed. Once the gate is locked, your car is stuck inside for the night. There was no way I was going to be stranded. I had made plans to watch Iron Man 2!

I thought about stopping after the first loop and calling it a day.

Five miles is a decent run.
You can always run ten miles tomorrow.
Five miles is better than nothing.

But I realized I was just making excuses for myself. Five miles IS a decent run, but I didn’t come to run five miles. I came to run ten. If I wanted to run five, I’d run five. But I didn’t want to run five. I wanted to run ten. Not five, seven, or nine. Ten.

Go big or go home, Jess. Do ten or die trying.
You’ll regret it if you don’t.
You’ll regret it if you just give up now.
You’ll regret it if you don’t at least try.

So off I went again. Loop number two. When I passed the 1.5-mile marker, I was ecstatic.

Hell yeah, that’s 6.5 miles.
That’s what you ran on Wednesday.
And you’re not even that tired yet.
You’re INVINCIBLE!
Keep it up!

By the 2-mile marker, 7 miles total, I was not feeling invincible any more. Runner’s high turned into runner’s low. My legs were starting to feel like lead. My steps were getting heavier. I felt like I was jogging slower than I could walk.

Oh man, I am tired. What if I just stop and walk?
Wait no, you can’t. You won’t make it out of the park if you do.
If you walk, you won’t run again.
If you walk, that’s the end.
And you didn’t come to walk. You came to run.
You’ll regret it if you give up now.
You’re almost there.
Three more miles.

Right then and there, my mind transformed into a permanent cheerleader. It began motivating my body nonstop. Any negative thought was quickly dispelled and discounted. There was no can’t. Only can. Every single thought fueled me forward, bringing me closer to my goal. If my body wanted to give up, my mind would step in and force my body to keep going.

You can do this.
You are a beast.
You are unstoppable.
You’ve got more left to give.
You only have two miles left.
You’ve got this.
You can do it.

I convinced myself that pain didn’t exist. I refused to let my body dictate my thoughts. The toes on my right foot were numb. My hips throbbed with each additional step. My lower back started to ache. But I had come too far, I was too close to the finish, to stop.

There is no pain.
It doesn’t exist.
You are stronger than this.
Hold in your core.
Breathe.
Almost there.
You’ll regret it if you stop.
You’ll regret it if you stop.
Almost there.

The last three miles, I felt every single step. I had cottonmouth. I wanted to throw up at one point. I wanted to walk. And I wanted to cry. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to cry during a run. I didn’t even want to cry when I finished my first 5K race. But for some reason, I really, really wanted to cry.

But I didn’t. I didn’t want to lose focus. I didn’t want to spend additional energy and become distracted. I didn’t want to mess up my breathing. I didn’t want to stress my mind and body even more. I just looked forward and kept going.

One foot in front of the other.
Kiss the Earth.
Focus on your breathing.
In one two. Out one two.
You can do this.
Almost there.

I didn’t give up because I knew I had more left to give. How much more, I can’t say, but I convinced myself that I still had 50% left to give and that’s what I believed. I didn’t give up because I knew that if I did, I would’ve regretted it. I would’ve finished and realized that I still could’ve kept going. I might have WANTED to stop, but I didn’t NEED to stop. I didn’t give up because I had come too far, worked too hard, sweated too much, to quit.

You’re not done yet.
You’ve got this.
You can do this.

When I saw the finishing point, I picked up the pace. I could taste and smell victory. It was so close. It was so beautiful. And I really wanted to cry again.

But I didn’t. There was no time to cry. I finished with only 8 minutes left before the park closed, so I had to stay composed. My need to cry transformed into a big smile of satisfaction. My legs were sore, my toes were numb, my hips were throbbing, my lower back was tense, but none of that mattered. Why?

Because I ran ten miles. And nobody can take that away from me.

 

What do you do when you feel like giving up? Is your mind your permanent cheerleader?

 

THE DAILY BITE

Pepperoni, Mushrooms & Red Bell Peppers Pizza – Dinner: flatbread topped with tomato paste, mozzarella and Parmesan cheese, mushrooms, onions, red bell peppers and pepperoni.

Asparagus, Mushrooms, Tomatoes & Basil Pizza – Dinner: flatbread topped with Swiss, mozzarella and Parmesan cheese, thyme, asparagus, mushrooms, onions, tomatoes, and fresh basil.

 

Consumption: 1883 calories, 42.5g of fat.

Tagged as: 10 miles, mind over body, motivation, Running

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