My eating has been uncontrollable over the last week or so.
It’s been a mixture of mindless eating, pity eating, stress eating, and study eating.
I am eating even when I am not hungry.
The worst part?
I can’t seem to stop.
It’s as if my subconscious just keeps telling my body to search for food. It’s as if there’s a food goblin in my brain telling me to stuff myself.
I hate being out of control, especially when it comes to food.
I hate being undisciplined.
I hate feeling unbalanced.
I hate suffering from indigestion.
I hate when my stomach growls not from hunger but from overeating.
I haven’t been calorie counting nor have I been intuitively eating.
I have only been eating.
I needed to let this out somewhere. I don’t know why I’ve been postponing this post. My blog has been therapeutic for me.
I think I wanted to avoid posting about it so I didn’t have to face my problems. I wanted to brush my out-of-control eating issue aside, pretend it didn’t exist, and continue my overindulgence. But food hasn’t even been enjoyable.
It’s only been painful – mentally, emotionally, physically – because it completely throws my life out of balance. I am not using food as fuel but rather as a temporary fix, a solution, a quick drug.
I don’t want that relationship with food, so I am taking a stance against the food goblin.
This will require self-restraint as well as a few days of meticulous calorie counting so that I can force myself to become aware of exactly what I am putting into my mouth, what I am placing into my body.
I’ve been having a problem with food, but I’m hitting the stop button today.
Better now than never.
Do you ever feel like there’s a food goblin controlling your actions?
How do you deal with binging?
How has your week been?
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Female. 25 years old. Chinese. Cook. Foodie. UCLA grad. Traveler. Musician. Scuba diver. GWU Law. Runner.
I can totally relate to this post. I have been out of control for the last week+, eating multiple servings of dark chocolate peanut butter straight from the jar and eating until I feel sick to my stomach. I am so close to goal yet can’t seem to get there, and I kept thinking it’d get EASIER as I got closer. I mean luckily this behavior comes around a lot less than when I was 80 pounds heavier, but I don’t know if it’ll ever go away.
I am stuck in this mindless midnight eating. I find that I get hungry at about 10pm. Makes sense if I had dinner at 5 right? But once I start eating, I don’t stop and of course I’m not writing down those calories. I’m trying to come up with ways to stop this. Turning to writing might help.
FatGirlsCanRun´s latest post: Strong like bull- bounce like brick
This is a post that I could have written. The food goblin really enjoys living in my head and watching me gorge myself. I know you aren’t making excuses, but you have just started a new, and I’m going to presume stressful (even if enjoyable, grad school is stressful) phase of your life. Easier said than done, and you know this, too, you’ll just have to find something else to replace. Can your running goblin kick your food goblin’s butt?
Jeremy Logsdon´s latest post: May experience some glitches…
The food goblin haunts me a lot too. In fact, if I would have kept my old blog, that’s probably all I would have posted about. My eating is never totally horrible when I fall “off the wagon”, like the way it used to be, but it’s a burger here, some chocolate cake there, and next thing I know, scale’s up AGAIN. Drives me nuts, but I try not to beat myself up about it, and start over with healthy food, and continue to work out.
I’m starting over today too.
Hi Jess…your post just summarized what I have been going through for the past several years of my life. Im usually able to control my eating habits pretty well which is an amazing feeling. However, there are those times when I feel there is some kind of monster inside of me (or gobbler as you call it) which constantly pushes me to eat whatever is in sight.
Like you said, it gets to a point where the food is not even enjoyable…im just eating to eat and to fill some kind of void. I read somewhere that some people use binge eating as a way to hide or avoid thinking about an issue in their lives. It’s like a temporary “drug” that allows us to forget whatever issues we’re going thru at least for a little while. In conclusion, I just want you to know that you’re not alone in this. I share your pain. Best of luck in getting back on track
Sometimes mindless eating, or emotional eating can snowball, especially if you start stressing about it.
If mindful, healthy eating were easy all the time then everyone would be healthy. I think you just have to realize that some days it will be harder, and not to beat yourself up too much about it, but I think that by acknowledging the negative consequences of over eating, it can serve as a good reminder when you’re reaching for something you`re not even really hungry for.
Also, if you`re hormonal (i think you said that on twitter) it can have a huge impact on your hunger/satisfaction. Some weeks I am a bottomless pit and no amount of food can make me feel full. Knowing that it is related to hormones helps keep it in check.
I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I’ve felt that way for a while now. This past weekend was the worst. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but honestly I don’t. No surprise there since I just admitted to the same problems. I don’t even know how I’ve managed to maintain my weight without any gain. Just wanted you to know that I’m with ya.
I feel your pain and as an emotional and compulsive over eater myself I do understand. After decades of self-abuse I’m still learning about portion control. When funds permit I try to focus on natural foods and avoid animal products as much as I can(The body doesn’t need them). I’m talking fresh fruit, green leafy vegetables, hemp, chia / flax / sunflower / sesame / pumpkin seeds, almonds, walnuts, coconut water, berries. Any cooked complex carbs ie brown rice, bread, pasta etc. can send me to binge. It’s important to abstain from all processed ‘food’ too as if you’re like me you can’t stop until the package is empty. good health and wellbeing is my priority now and i cherish this God-send ‘wealth’. I try to focus on healing, meditation and yoga.
Love love love to you and everyone feeling challenged!
Love love love yourself and everything works(I’m still working on this one:)
xoxoxox
I do really well during the day, (this is something i haven’t mentioned on my blog: if I don’t talk about it then it doesn’t exist, right?) and then I go home, and just eat every thing I can! Occasionally I’ll notice I’m doing badly, and try to reign it in, but more often than not I just end up giving myself permission to do it, because I don’t want to feel guilty about it later. Just got to take each moment as it comes and be sure to be aware of it, I guess.
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Do you ever feel like there’s a food goblin controlling your actions?
Yes and he’s been acting up a bit more the last 6 weeks!
How do you deal with binging?
Try to limit it to a day here or there as too many in a row wouldn’t be good!
How has your week been?
Been up and down. A few good days and a day like today where the goblin has been attacking!
I like binging, honestly. I plan on it every weekend. It keeps me sane. If I binge 3-4 meals a week, that’s not bad considering I have around 30 more (I eat numerous times a day) during the week that are healthy.
Don’t fear good food, just moderate it.
reading through the screen and giving you a bigassHUG.
for me it was only when I stepped way way back and realized it had nothing to do with the food…that it all slowly slowly fell into place.
xo xo
Carla
I used to feel like this all the time, honestly. Like I *couldn’t* stop eating. And it wasn’t until recently that I realized that I CAN make healthier choices. But I did a lot of mental and emotional work to get there. And really, it was never about the food. Because as Geneen Roth says, if it were about the food, you would eat slowly, pay attention to it, and savor every bite. Instead of shovelingitinquickfastandinahurry.
For me, the only thing that has worked is to figure out what it IS about; whatever that thing is that’s driving me to overeat. And acknowledging that issue, sitting with it, fixing it, saying it out loud, and then moving past it. Choosing not to let whatever THAT is, to control MY choices.
Hugs!
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Forgot to tell you earlier in the week, but I gave you an award on my blog.. you are such an inspiration to me, and I thank you for doing the DDGBD Challenge..
http://fabchallenge.blogspot.com/2010/09/without-further-procrastination.html
There must be something in the air right now! I have been eating off the chart for about a month! I’d do well during the week, but come Friday, I’d splurge all weekend long! After that, I started eating fast food one day during the week. I also lost control of my portion sizes. I have gained about 5 lbs., but got myself back on track this week! I started using my Lose It iPhone app to track my daily cals. It’s keeping me eating clean and back in control of my food!
I don’t eat because of stress, nor do I have emotional eating (thank goodness). When I’m stressed, I stop eating.
I’m hoping this gets me back in the game and I don’t have to count cals for too long!
Hang in there!
Don’t be too tough on yourself! I can completely relate. I just moved to DC in July and it’s tough to move to a new city and start a new life. It’s stressful! Hang in there!
I’m behind on blogs, but I hope after you posted and got some massively wonderful support from your friends that you are feeling a bit better. You’ve already got past Step One and that’s identifying that this is an issue for you. So make a plan now. What will you do INSTEAD of eat? It’s not always easy to make the switch from going straight for food to something else, but once you start doing it, it gets easier.
Don’t let the feelings of stress and being overwhelmed take over your control. YOU still have the reigns sweetheart – grab them harder!!
love to you !! xxx
I love your blog!
This looks so dlicious!
Have a nice time!
Paula
I’m so glad you wrote about this. It’s a hard topic to discuss and it looks like just putting it out there gets a lot of people admitting they’re struggling with the same issue. That’s such a relief for me to hear because I’m totally struggling with mindless binge eating right now, too and have been for the last few weeks. Personally, I’ve attached so much shame to it that it feels really good to just come clean and admit it. The start of a new school year is very stressful, particularly if you’re starting a brand new program, and though it shouldn’t be an excuse, it is a trigger. Hopefully by coming out and recognizing this behavior we can get back on track!
Hi! I’m trying to put together a group of DCers to meet-up for a happy hour meet and greet. Are you on twitter? You can follow me at LaurBiochemista and search #dchealthblogger for updates. I’ll also be posting on my blog about events. Hope to meet you!
Lauren
I think when I came to the conclusion that the food goblin would probably be a part of my life for the long haul I came to terms with some days there’s going to be more food consumption than other days. For now they are few and far in between but they do happen. You’re doing the right thing Panda. Staying conscious and in the moment on the days that you don’t feel the food goblin sitting on your shoulder and getting back to the basics.
I love you Jess! You got this girl!!
checking in on you from the other side of the weekend….
I totally get this and I’ve been dealing with it more lately as I’ve been dealing with more stress. I wonder if starting law school and moving across the country could have anything to do with your goblin rearing it’s ugly head?
Thinking of you and know I’m supporting you!
I so feel you hear, food is my quick drug too. hate it when I have days like that! It’s always carb-centric for me. I try to combat it with protein.
As evidenced by all of these comments, it happens to the best of us. I know it feels bad. And there’s a lot of self-beat-uppery.
Just come back and talk to us about it. We understand, we commiserate. We can push you to get out of the funk, or we can wallow in it a bit with you while you go through a bad spell.
Sometimes we all need a good wallow.
Hey Jess,
Sorry to post an off topic comment, but I haven’t seen you on the NerdFitness boards lately.
I remember when you were trying to find a good, healthy oatmeal recipe, and I was wondering if you ever found one? I’m trying to convert from those packets of high-sugar deliciousness into the canister of no-taste plain oatmeal, and I’m searching for something healthy to add in.
Thanks, Jess. Hope you’re doing well.
Samantha / ormaybemidgets