Two weeks ago, I could not stop stuffing my face.

It was as if my hunger was insatiable. I never felt satisfied. Yes, the food tasted delicious, but my brain never reached a level of true enjoyment.

I don’t know why I kept eating and eating.

Maybe it’s because I wanted to feel content. Happy. Fulfilled.

I’m pretty sure I convinced myself that if I was stuffed to the brim, I would feel as if I was on top of the world.

I didn’t listen to my body or give it what it actually needed. Simply put, I was a glutton.

But since I set my 2011 goals, I haven’t had to deal with binges.

Having goals and actually working towards them helps me in making better decisions.

Does that box of chocolate look tempting? It sure does, but it won’t help me run faster. It won’t help me build muscle. It won’t help me to do push-ups.

I’ve been cooking at home more. I’ve been consciously thinking about my food. I’ve been bringing my Little Bag That Could to class almost every day.

I’ve found time to go to the gym. I’ve made exercise and training a priority. I’ve created time for myself.

And by being active, by persistently working towards my goals, I’ve somehow managed to curb my hunger.

I haven’t felt the need to shovel food into my mouth. I haven’t felt any cravings. I haven’t found food irresistible.

Is it the endorphins from exercise?
I don’t know for sure, but I’ll bet that there’s a strong correlation.

Is it the better choice of foods?
Most likely. I’m eating more protein, tons of vegetables, and not over-indulging.

It’s funny how much easier it is to find balance when you’re happy with yourself.

I’m learning to drop the past two months. No, not forget it, but I won’t beat myself up any more.

I am making progress, however slow it might seem at the moment. I’m trying my best. I’m finding time for me.

I’ve realized that this “hunger”, this urge to binge, usually occurs when I don’t make time for myself, when I just succumb to pressure and stress instead of doing something about it and finding an outlet.

Instead of using food as my outlet, I’m channeling my anger, frustrations, and stress into kicking ass at the gym.

 
But, I’ve been wondering…

Is your feeling of hunger correlated with the amount you exercise?

When I slack off on exercising, when I ditch my training goals, I feel as if I’m always hungry, as if I could eat everything in sight.

But when I establish a workout routine and plan my training schedule, that insatiable feeling of hunger disappears. I’m no longer thinking about food constantly. I’m no longer planning what I want to eat next. I’m no longer craving fried foods, cookies or ice cream.

Does exercise help to restore a sense of physical and mental balance?

 

What are your thoughts on this?

Do you feel more hungry when you exercise or when you don’t?

How do you curb your insatiable hunger?

For the past few months, I have completely disregarded numbers.

I have stopped counting calories, logging miles, weighing myself daily, measuring things.

And the results have not been pleasant.

For the majority of my first semester, I was doing great without counting calories. I wasn’t losing, but I wasn’t gaining either. Finally. Maintenance.

But as final exams started creeping up on me, I started to exercise less and binge more. I found reasons to eat a whole pint of ice cream. I found excuses to indulge. And I found reasons to not work out.

And when I went home for break? All hell broke loose.

I wolfed down everything in sight. It was as if the end of the world was around the corner. I over-indulged myself and in the two weeks I was home, I started to lose my sense of health.

My pants grew tighter, my face became rounder, I breathed heavier.

And now, 20 pounds later, I am teetering on the brink between the 180s and 190s.

Remember when I hit the 180s and vowed to never return to the 190s?

Well, shit bonkers (excuse the language) but I’m back in this pothole again.

The good thing is I can get myself out. The bad thing is, why the hell did I let myself get back here?

I am trying not to beat myself up about this, but really, I can only blame myself. I didn’t enjoy my food (ok, that’s a lie, I completely did) but I overindulged because I felt as if I could eat the stress away.

I have been avoiding posting any weigh-ins because I feel like I would be a bad role model, a bad example, a failure.

But truth is, I need to post my weigh-ins. They keep me grounded and focused on the small progress, and I need to see progress.

I want to feel accomplished again. I want to have my clothes fit well. I want to feel invincible.

But I have to earn these feelings. I have to work towards them. And lately, I’ve been wishy washy, like Charlie Brown. I will be super dedicated for four days, then reward my hard work with laziness.

So it’s time to change up the method. Now that I have implemented my Little Bag That Could system, it’s time to re-establish my eating routine.

It is tedious, writing and counting calories, measuring food and weighing things, but it works. It keeps me focused, controlled and balanced because I know exactly what I’m putting into my body.

Will I have to go through the process of posting my exercise and daily consumption logs again? Perhaps. If it keeps me accountable to myself, yes I will.

Do I have to work on focusing on being healthy and not just thin, thin, thin? Absolutely. And I know that even with all my training and exercising, I’m not healthy at the moment. I am not finding balance in my food, I’m not loving what I eat, because I feel guilty after eating it.

So it’s time to start counting again.

The calories. The miles. The gym time. The bench presses. The push-ups. The weekly weigh-ins.

Am I embarrassed that I’ve gained some weight back? Yes. But it’s time to face the truth and tackle my problems head on. I refuse to be an ostrich and pretend that my issues don’t exist.

 

Have you ever “fallen off the wagon?”

Do you ever feel like gaining weight back is embarrassing?

How do you find balance between life and your eating habits?