After three hard days of heavy lifting, running, and the elliptical, my body has resumed normalcy. It has re-discovered the familiar balance that had been missing for the first half of July.
I am sore.
Push-ups. Assisted pull-ups.
Bench presses. Lat pull-downs.
240 bosu ball squats. Bicep curls.
Pec flys. Tricep dips.
And more.
My body is in a happy pain.
I’m pushing myself to the max again.
The mindless eating has disappeared.
The late-night binge fest has vanished.
There is no more eat the entire box of Oreo’s.
There is no more just one more piece.
I am back in control.
It’s so strange. When I was binging, I knew I wasn’t hungry. I knew that I would feel like crap if I ate an entire box of cookies. I knew that it would not help with weight loss, my marathon training, or my strength building.
But I ate it anyway.
It was like I couldn’t stop my hands from reaching into the bag. Maybe I didn’t want to? I don’t know.
It was like my control side was separated from my physical side. And the physical side won.
My body didn’t feel hungry, but for some reason it wanted all the crap I could give it.
There was no moderation. Only excess.
I don’t quite know why it happened.
My birthday? Friends in town? Excuses?
But I’m glad that it only occurred for two weeks.
A minor detour, a ten-minute rest stop on this journey called life.
I’m not quite sure how I’ll deal with this situation again when it happens in the future.
I know it will happen again in the future.
I don’t even know if I’ll be able to recognize the warning signs. It just happened.
From total control and balance to no control and chaos.
But for now…
I’m glad to be back to normal.
Glad to be resuming my training.
Glad to be lifting heavy. Empowering myself daily.
Glad to be fueling my body. Wisely.
Glad to be sleeping with no regrets.
And even more glad to be waking up with no regrets.
How do you recognize a potential binge fest? What are you thankful for today?
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Female. 25 years old. Chinese. Cook. Foodie. UCLA grad. Traveler. Musician. Scuba diver. GWU Law. Runner.
Yay for recognizing a change needed to take place in your mindset! That seems to be the biggest battle for me! Congrats on getting back into your groove!
Im thankful for all the awesome bloggers who lift me up, when I am having shitty days. You guys are the BEST!
I have come to the realization that binges, in and of themselves, are not “bad.” They are incredible learning opportunities. When I finally got over the guilt/shame phase (mostly), I learned to view my binges more objectively. In fact, there are times I welcome them as a sort of laboratory experiment. I don’t remember the last time I binged, but I know that I am not afraid if one happens to come along one of these days…
There are a few ways that I recognize a potential binge, including buying “trigger” foods and bringing them home, being super tired, or being overly emotional. But the reality is that even given ALL of that, I have that moment that you described – of knowing that what I’m about to eat is crap and I don’t need it or even really want it, but I’m going to eat it anyways. For me, THAT moment is the key to not getting off-track. Stopping that moment, doing whatever I have to do to get away from the trigger, etc. How I do that changes – I go for a walk, I write it out, I review my list of REASONS why I’m doing what I’m doing, I look at how far I’ve come, etc. It doesn’t always work, and I don’t know if anything ever will. But doing those things, and filling myself up with the stuff that REALLY makes me happy? Goes a long way.
Today I’m thankful for sunshine, running, my exercise ball, my trainer, and my husband.
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Today I am thankful for my Panda and all the goodness she brings even when she is struggling in her own journey. I am thankful for people that believe in me when I don’t believe in myself. I’m thankful someone gave me the push to wear my vibrams during the 10k even though I almost talked myself out of it.
Oh and I’m thankful for the college campus security guy who had a small battery to help jump my car when it went kaputz on me today. Silly car!
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Jess, I so totally hear you! Isn’t it funny how quickly we can slip back into our old habits–and how quick (but not necessarily easy) it can be to get back into the healthy habits. You are so great and have the perfect mindset:
“But I’m glad that it only occurred for two weeks.
A minor detour, a ten-minute rest stop on this journey called life.”
Amen to that!!
Detours are fine–getting lost is not.
Today I’m thankful for grace and friendship and support (especially from you and the rest of my commenters!).
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I’m glad your back too. It looks like, after seeing your exercises, that your body is in good pain. Keep with it – looking forward to that vid on youtube soon.
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Love that feeling of “happy pain.” Sometimes it feels good to hurt =)
I can relate! My “but I ate it anyway” syndrome pops up every few months. I shrug it off and move on. Here’s to moderation!!
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I ALMOST had a binge fest this morning. But thankfully thankfully my CAMERA stopped me. I was about to snarf up a huge jar of peanut butter! But then I realized, I either had to take a PICTURE of the stupid jar of peanut butter, or I had to not do it, or I had to declare my foodblogging a failure. I opted for #2 which was the best possible thing. Nothing short of miraculous. This is the first thing that has acted as an actual deterrent in years!!!!!!!!
I could have written this post myself. I didn’t know you’d been struggling. (I hate not having internet at home). I am so happy that you have rebounded though. I’m back to “normal” again now too and how great it feels! I’ve missed you!
Its so crazy how your post was basically reading my mind and my actions. Not being hungry just doesn’t effect whether I eat or not somedays. Then other days I feel like I’m in total control.
Potential bingefest sign for me is when I want to eat something and for whatever reason I shouldn’t I catch my mind saying ” I don’t care. Screw it!”. Not usually a good thing!
I can feel the pain, July has been so hard for me as well. Congrats on getting back on the horse and kicking butt. Sorry I’m behind in my blog reading
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