I am liberated. Mentally.

Since Friday, I have eaten out for one meal every day. Friday night, I had carne asada fries. Saturday night, I had tortilla chips with guacamole and tortilla soup. Sunday afternoon, I had clam chowder with some calamari and fries. Last night, I had Japanese food. Rolls, steak, eggplants, tempura.

And you know what?

I don’t feel bad or guilty. At all. I didn’t binge during the meals. I ate slowly, I ate until I was full, and I was happy. I enjoyed eating out with my friends. I enjoyed making real choices at a restaurant. I enjoyed getting the “cup” size instead of the “bowl” size.

The old Jess would have freaked out, came home, sat on the couch and binged. She would have felt like crap. She would have thought that all of her efforts would have been wasted. She would have believed that she would gain 10 pounds overnight.

The new Jess?

She knows that nothing the old Jess would have believed is true. Eating out was worth it. She spent quality time with friends, making conscious decisions, but at the same time, embracing life. She knows she can’t live life eating every meal at home. She can’t hide from restaurants forever, so it was prime time she tackled and dealt with them.

I have come a long way. I have learned to accept my choices and realize that it’s not the end of the world if I eat a few french fries.

I have learned how to use comparisons in a positive light. I don’t make myself feel bad about my flaws. I just try harder to get better.

I stopped being afraid of the 180s. It won’t trip me up this time. I’m better than that.

And I keep proving to myself that I can do it. I set a new PR for my 5K and it felt great. It wasn’t a sub-30 time, but that’s ok! I’ll get there eventually.

I also got over my insecurities and hopped in the public pool last night. I swam a total of 500 meters. Not continuously, but I also haven’t been in a pool in four years. I can do this.

I am going to be a triathlete.

Last week’s weight: 186.4

This week’s weight: 183.0 (down 3.4)

I am back to my college graduation weight. In terms of BMI, I am no longer considered “obese”. And I never want to be ever again. I want to be healthy, fit, and strong.

Last week’s goals:
1. Run my 5K race in less than 33 minutes.
2. Make coconut curry.
3. Stretch after every workout.
4. Do 4 toe push-ups every day.
5. Make my bed every morning.

This week’s goals:
1. Finish my first 10K race on Saturday in Vibrams.
2. Make coconut curry.
3. Swim 200m nonstop once.
4. Do 4 toe push-ups in a row.
5. Run a 5K race on Sunday.

What are your goals for the week?