The last time I officially weighed myself (for the blog) was a month ago, where I weighed in at 177.4. That was a huge accomplishment for me, since the last time I was in the 170s was in winter of 2006.

And then my birthday week happened.

That week turned into two. I was eating everything in sight.
It wasn’t so much what I was eating but how much of it I was consuming.

I became a bottomless pit.
I got too comfortable and too arrogant about my progress.
My mind was filled with what could have, would have, and should have been.

I woke up some mornings regretting what I had eaten. It wasn’t guilt. I literally felt sick to my stomach and my head hurt from all the crap I ate. My energy levels were low. My motivation was depleted.

The night before the San Diego Blood Bank 5K, I weighed myself. And 191 stared back at me from the scale.

That’s when it hit me.

I needed to stop destroying myself. Now.

And after a solid week, I feel like I have resumed some normalcy.

Back in May, I got an extremely welcoming email from the 180s. This morning, my inbox was flooded once again.

Dear Jess,

Last time you left the 180s, we didn’t send you off properly. It was as if we weren’t ready to part just yet. Lo and behold, you were back in the 180s for a brief stint. I’m glad you didn’t get comfortable here, because it’s not where you belong. We love you, but we want you to press further on this healthy journey. As much as you find comfort in the 180s, we don’t want you here any more.

Embrace the 170s. We’re proud of you, and be proud of yourself.

Love,
The 180s

My response:

Dear The 180s,

You’re right. I have been comfortable with you for too long. But I am now ready to officially say good bye. We’ve had a good run. I’ve seen you way too many times since 2006. And I don’t want to see you ever again. You are more dangerous than the 200s, because at least in the 200s, the red lights and sirens start going off in my head. In the 180s, I justify to myself that a few pounds is alright. I’ve gotten too comfortable here.

But no more. We’ve had a fun run, but it’s time for me to go.

See you. Never again.

Love,
Jess

The other email I got should have come a month ago, but it was as if I knew that I needed to go into a two-week funk before I was ready to progress further along. I needed this ten-minute rest stop on this journey called life, but I’m now ready to hit the roads again.

Dear Jess,

Last time you were here, we didn’t get to throw you a welcome party. We wanted you here, but it was as if we all knew you weren’t ready for it mentally. You needed that little setback, that brief relapse, to realize what you truly wanted and needed.

And now you’re back.

We can’t tell you how glad we are to see you. Keep it up, lady! You’re approaching 90 pounds total loss. You’re approaching 10 full-form push-ups in a row. You’re doing great!

We know you can do this. Believe in yourself. You’ve got this.

Love,
The 170s

My response:

Dear The 170s,

It is really good to be back. You don’t even know. When I entered the 180s again, I felt like it was the end of the world. But I needed to realize that it wasn’t. I needed to re-discover balance. I needed to take a break in order to refuel my motivation and determination.

I’m glad to see you again. Seriously. I’m so close to 90 pounds total loss. I won’t fail myself this time. I’ve got this. I can do this.

Love,
Jess

It’s good to be back in the 170s again. I now realize that my two-week funk wasn’t disastrous. In fact, it taught me a lot about myself.

This week’s weight: 178.2

This week’s goals:
1. Pack 1 box to ship to DC.
2. Swim 1600 meters.
3. Do a 2-minute plank.
4. Do a 2-minute wall chair.
5. Make Tara’s Couswalnachalicious.

I learned that it is alright, and necessary, to give myself a break from time to time. I needed to work through this down time, mentally and physically.

I have emerged. Victorious.

Are you in a funk? Take a deep breath. Don’t beat yourself up.

What are you struggling with? How can I help?

What are three fitness goals you have for the week?

What are three things you’re proud of this week? Brag about it!