Of course my stuff arrives the day I decided to complain about my scale being MIA. Aside from satisfying my scale addiction, I was also super ecstatic to get and unpack the rest of my stuff.

 

In that time, I realized that too much of a good thing can become a bad thing.

I also moved from California to Washington, DC, and today is my first day of law school orientation!

And I decided that I couldn’t rely solely on intuitive eating because I kept sabotaging my weight loss efforts so I switched back to calorie counting mixed with a good dose of “listen to your body” eating.

But the exciting part, the part you’ve all been waiting for, is that I finally did it.

I reached over 90 pounds lost from my heaviest.

When I started this journey in 2006, I was at 263 pounds. Over the past few years, I’ve yo-yo dieted, going hardcore gym then binging, repeating the process over and over again.

It took me awhile to realize that there are a lot of mental issues that need to be resolved before permanent weight loss and healthy living can happen.

This journey isn’t only a few months long. It isn’t about losing 10 pounds in a month. It isn’t even about losing weight at all. It’s about finding overall health, both mental and physical.

I honestly believe that if you are mentally healthy, your physical health will follow the same path.

Since I moved to DC, I have been walking everywhere. It’s an efficient way to see Washington, DC plus I can save on taxi and metro money.

Last weigh-in weight: 177.0

This week’s weight: 171.0 (down 6.0)

I have never broken past the 175 barrier.
I have never reached 90 pounds total loss before.
I have never been so close to the 160s.
And I have never felt so certain that I can do this.

I am more than just a number though. This journey is not about how much weight I can lose in one year, or how quickly I can reach my goal. It’s not about having an amazing weigh-in every week. It’s not only about the number on the scale.

I am a barefoot-running, half marathoner.
I am a cook making healthy, delicious food.
I am a work in progress, and I always will be.

This is a lifelong journey, one where I am always improving and bettering myself, each and every day.

I finally did it.

92 pounds lost.

What’s one important lesson you’ve learned on your healthy living journey?

What’s one thing you want to improve and become better at?

Related posts:

1. Weigh-in #18: A New Decade
2. Day One
3. Weigh-in #1

Originally, I didn’t want to weigh-in today. But I decided that I needed to resume my official weekly weigh-ins.

They keep me focused.
They keep me motivated.
They keep me goal-oriented (even if I don’t achieve my goals every week).

I don’t accomplish the goals I set all the time. But having them there, knowing that there are things I want to achieve, forces me to work and strive harder.

I didn’t meet any of my goals this week.

Not even a single one.

And that’s ok.

I tried.

But I overestimated my strengths and abilities this week while goal-setting. I thought I would be able to do a two-minute wall-sit easily, but after a week of plenty of leg work and running, my quads weren’t feeling it.

I thought I’d be able to do a two-minute plank by now. Close, but not quite.

I didn’t get my swim in. No excuses. I just didn’t do it.

And Tara, I give you permission to nag me about making your dish. It’s taken awhile (far too long).

I barely even cook for myself now. I need to get back into the kitchen. I like it there. I like creating food, but I just haven’t felt that burst of creativity.

You know when writers have writer’s block? I have cooking and photography block.

Where’s my muse?

I need to rekindle my love for cooking soon.

The thing I’m most proud of this week was realizing that being vulnerable can be a beautiful feeling. It has helped me grow as a person, and even though I always want to put up a very powerful, strong appearance, I’ve discovered that I’m actually very sensitive.

The most important thing I’ve learned from this experience:
You can only fail if you stop trying.

Never give up.

Last week’s weight: 178.2

This week’s weight: 177.0 (down 1.2)

Last week’s goals:
1. Pack 1 box to ship to DC.
2. Swim 1600 meters.
3. Do a 2-minute plank.
4. Do a 2-minute wall chair.
5. Make Tara’s Couswalnachalicious.

This week’s goals:
1. Pack 1 box to ship to DC.
2. Swim 1600 meters.
3. Do a 2-minute plank.
4. Do a 2-minute wall chair.
5. Make Tara’s Couswalnachalicious.

Same goals. New week.

Do you like to cook?

What are your inspirations for cooking?

What is one new food/dish you’ve tried this week?

Random: How much do you love Nutella and/or peanut butter?

Related posts:

1. Weigh-in #16
2. Weekly Challenge #3: Mutiny!
3. Weigh-in #19

The last time I officially weighed myself (for the blog) was a month ago, where I weighed in at 177.4. That was a huge accomplishment for me, since the last time I was in the 170s was in winter of 2006.

And then my birthday week happened.

That week turned into two. I was eating everything in sight.
It wasn’t so much what I was eating but how much of it I was consuming.

I became a bottomless pit.
I got too comfortable and too arrogant about my progress.
My mind was filled with what could have, would have, and should have been.

I woke up some mornings regretting what I had eaten. It wasn’t guilt. I literally felt sick to my stomach and my head hurt from all the crap I ate. My energy levels were low. My motivation was depleted.

The night before the San Diego Blood Bank 5K, I weighed myself. And 191 stared back at me from the scale.

That’s when it hit me.

I needed to stop destroying myself. Now.

And after a solid week, I feel like I have resumed some normalcy.

Back in May, I got an extremely welcoming email from the 180s. This morning, my inbox was flooded once again.

Dear Jess,

Last time you left the 180s, we didn’t send you off properly. It was as if we weren’t ready to part just yet. Lo and behold, you were back in the 180s for a brief stint. I’m glad you didn’t get comfortable here, because it’s not where you belong. We love you, but we want you to press further on this healthy journey. As much as you find comfort in the 180s, we don’t want you here any more.

Embrace the 170s. We’re proud of you, and be proud of yourself.

Love,
The 180s

My response:

Dear The 180s,

You’re right. I have been comfortable with you for too long. But I am now ready to officially say good bye. We’ve had a good run. I’ve seen you way too many times since 2006. And I don’t want to see you ever again. You are more dangerous than the 200s, because at least in the 200s, the red lights and sirens start going off in my head. In the 180s, I justify to myself that a few pounds is alright. I’ve gotten too comfortable here.

But no more. We’ve had a fun run, but it’s time for me to go.

See you. Never again.

Love,
Jess

The other email I got should have come a month ago, but it was as if I knew that I needed to go into a two-week funk before I was ready to progress further along. I needed this ten-minute rest stop on this journey called life, but I’m now ready to hit the roads again.

Dear Jess,

Last time you were here, we didn’t get to throw you a welcome party. We wanted you here, but it was as if we all knew you weren’t ready for it mentally. You needed that little setback, that brief relapse, to realize what you truly wanted and needed.

And now you’re back.

We can’t tell you how glad we are to see you. Keep it up, lady! You’re approaching 90 pounds total loss. You’re approaching 10 full-form push-ups in a row. You’re doing great!

We know you can do this. Believe in yourself. You’ve got this.

Love,
The 170s

My response:

Dear The 170s,

It is really good to be back. You don’t even know. When I entered the 180s again, I felt like it was the end of the world. But I needed to realize that it wasn’t. I needed to re-discover balance. I needed to take a break in order to refuel my motivation and determination.

I’m glad to see you again. Seriously. I’m so close to 90 pounds total loss. I won’t fail myself this time. I’ve got this. I can do this.

Love,
Jess

It’s good to be back in the 170s again. I now realize that my two-week funk wasn’t disastrous. In fact, it taught me a lot about myself.

This week’s weight: 178.2

This week’s goals:
1. Pack 1 box to ship to DC.
2. Swim 1600 meters.
3. Do a 2-minute plank.
4. Do a 2-minute wall chair.
5. Make Tara’s Couswalnachalicious.

I learned that it is alright, and necessary, to give myself a break from time to time. I needed to work through this down time, mentally and physically.

I have emerged. Victorious.

Are you in a funk? Take a deep breath. Don’t beat yourself up.

What are you struggling with? How can I help?

What are three fitness goals you have for the week?

What are three things you’re proud of this week? Brag about it!

Related posts:

1. Weigh-in #18: A New Decade
2. Day 89: Dear Jess Pt. 2
3. Weigh-in #15

I realize that having a blog makes my progress transparent. Everyone can see it. And it does put some pressure on me to perform on a weekly basis.

But frankly, after my bottomless pit episode, I just don’t want to know my weight this week.

This does not mean I’m throwing in the towel. Far from it.

I went for an hour walk yesterday. I hit up the gym.
I discovered that I can bench press 90 pounds twice.
I tried doing a clapping push-up and almost fell flat on my face.
I’m still drinking tons and tons of water.

But I just don’t want to know my weight this week.

There’s no good that can come from knowing.

If the scale is up, I will convince myself that it’s not real weight gain. It’s most likely a combination of sodium and water retention – my body’s attempt at regaining balance.

If the scale is down, I will convince myself that I could have lost more had I not binged and been lazy. Or, it might have been muscle loss from not lifting as much this week.

Either way, it will just be a negative experience.

So I just don’t want to know this week.

I am taking a week hiatus from the scale. I am more than just a number.

Weigh-in will resume next week, but for now, no scale and no numbers.

Do you weigh yourself weekly? Do you ever feel pressure from having a blog?

Related posts:

1. Weigh-in #7
2. Weigh-in #16
3. Weigh-in #2

I have been trying to run an 8:30 mile for at least 2 months now. I could never do it. It was a mental roadblock, one that I was determined to overcome and conquer.

The closest I had ever gotten to an 8:30 mile was when I ran an 8:36 mile towards the end of April. Then, I kind of just let that feeling sit for awhile. I decided that I wouldn’t beat myself up over my speed since I had bigger, greater things to focus on: my first Half Marathon. I came to the conclusion that if I give it time, the speed will come. So that’s what I did.

Last night, I decided to attempt the elusive 8:30 mile again. All of a sudden, I was holding an 8:30 pace pretty comfortably. Am I getting faster?

The first five minutes, I felt strong, like a gazelle. I cranked up the speed.

I ended up holding an 8:13 pace for about 2 minutes. With only a tenth of a mile left, it was game on. I don’t think I’ve ever sprinted that quickly in my life before. I was running at a 7:00 pace. I felt like Forrest Gump. I finished the mile, huffing and puffing.

But I finally did it.

I conquered the 8:30 mile. Even better, I ran an 8:21 mile.

I couldn’t stop smiling the rest of the night. I finally did it. I had overcome a huge obstacle. I’ve proven to myself that with time and persistence, I can accomplish anything.

My new goal? An 8:00 mile.

I can do this. I will do this.

Last week’s weight: 179.4

This week’s weight: 177.4 (down 2.0)

Last week’s goals:
1. Practice guitar for 30 minutes every day.
2. Go rock climbing once.
3. Swim 1700 meters once.
4. Make Tara’s Couswalnachalicious.
5. Walk for 30 minutes every day.

This week’s goals:
1. Swim 2000 meters once.
2. Make Tara’s Couswalnachalicious.
3. Do 8 full push-ups in a row once.
4. Drink a gallon of water a day.
5. Run a 5K once.

What obstacles have you overcome recently? What are your goals for the week?

Related posts:

1. 9:50 Mile
2. Weigh-in #4
3. Weigh-in #19

This was my recovery week. It seemed like it lasted forever. As much as I wanted to go out and run, I know it’s essential for me to rest and recover. There’s no point in rushing out, running and then injuring myself. I’m trying to be patient with my body and listen to what it needs.

I have learned so much from running. It’s become my stress reliever. I always feel rejuvenated after a run. It’s like all the negativity gets sweated out, and I’m reborn after every run. I love it.

Besides running, I’ve discovered that I enjoy swimming as well. I swam my first mile Monday night, and although difficult, it made me proud. It’s another accomplishment to add to my list. I will keep swimming, partially because it’s wonderful cross-training, but mostly because I find it relaxing to be in the water.

I also had my first Q&A with David from Running Because I Can. If you’ve got any questions for me, shoot me an email at halfofjess@gmail.com. I would LOVE to hear from you!

Last week’s weight: 179.8

This week’s weight: 179.4 (down 0.4)

Last week’s goals:
1. Drink a gallon of water a day.
2. Do 6 full-form push-ups in a row three times.
3. Stretch every day.
4. Make Tara’s Couswalnachalicious.
5. Hug my parents.

I loaded up on water, I stretched, and I hugged my parents. I even managed to do 35 full-form push-ups yesterday. Not in a row, though. My max right now is 7 push-ups in a row. I’m aiming for 10 in a row by the end of summer.

Tara, I promise your surprise dish is coming soon!

This week’s goals:
1. Practice guitar for 30 minutes every day.
2. Go rock climbing once.
3. Swim 1700 meters once.
4. Make Tara’s Couswalnachalicious.
5. Walk for 30 minutes every day.

What are your goals for the week?

Related posts:

1. Weigh-in #22: The Downward Trend
2. Weigh-in #20: The Elusive 8:30
3. Weigh-in #18: A New Decade

A big thanks to everyone for all the encouragement and support I received before and after my first Half Marathon. It was Half of Jess’s first Half, but it’s certainly not her last!

What now?

My first full Marathon! I signed up yesterday. On November 13, 2010, I will run 26.2 miles in Richmond, Virginia. I know I can do it. Patience, dedication and persistence will pay off!

 

Last week’s weight: 181.8

This week’s weight: 179.8 (down 2.0)

I am in the 170s! I haven’t been in the 170s since 2006. This is a monumental moment for me. I have only been in the 170s once since I started my weight-loss journey back in 2006. After that, I always got stuck in the 180s. I’d get frustrated, then give up, and pretty soon, I was back in the 200s. The 180s was my tripping stone.

But not any more. I’m not on a weight-loss journey this time. Weight loss is only part of my quest for healthy living. That change and crucial shift in mentality is what makes it easier for me to keep doing what I’m doing, to keep pushing myself each and every day.

It’s not a diet. It’s a way of life.

Last week’s goals:
1. Drink a gallon of water a day.
2. Stay under 1800 calories a day.
3. Swim 900m nonstop once.
4. Do one assisted pull-up with 80-pound counter.
5. Finish my first Half Marathon.

This week’s goals:
1. Drink a gallon of water a day.
2. Do 6 full-form push-ups in a row three times.
3. Stretch every day.
4. Make Tara’s Couswalnachalicious.
5. Hug my parents.

What are your goals for the week?

Related posts:

1. Weigh-in #21: Dear Jess Pt. 3
2. Weigh-in #5
3. Weigh-in #20: The Elusive 8:30

I had a quiet weekend in the blogging world because I had a not-so-quiet weekend in the real world. One of my good friends was visiting from Atlanta, which resulted in my first cold-water dive. We ate Moroccan food on Friday night. The beef skewers were so savory. The lamb meat was a bit overcooked and could use more spices, but still pretty decent. I had a great time out. We hit up the bar afterward, but I used my training as an excuse not to drink.

On Saturday, I went to a BBQ in the afternoon and had delicious chicken legs and roasted sweet corn. Oh man. I am so excited for summer BBQs. Saturday night, one of my best friends – the one I was supposed to visit in Indiana – came home and I had dinner at her house. I ate way more tortilla chips than I had intended and had a slice of cake. Delicious. We ended up playing Surf-edition Monopoly in which I went bankrupt. I did hit up the gym that night for a quick lifting session.

Yesterday, I went for a five-mile walk with another friend who is home for the summer, and then hit up the gym. I forgot to bring my Vibrams but I did bring my swim suit, so I tackled the pool. I ended up swimming 800m freestyle nonstop. That’s the most I’ve done since I started swimming again. It was a great workout, and I was out of breath when I finished! Swimming is strenuous on the body, but in a different way than running is.

I’m proud of myself for being able to eat out and not feel bad about it. I didn’t beat myself up. I didn’t want to punish myself. I didn’t binge. So I had a few Reese’s pieces, but seriously. In the grand scheme of things, that’s nothing. Why make myself miserable over three pieces of candy?

Lately, I haven’t blogged much over the weekends.

It’s not because I feel like I’m an unhealthy role model. Quite the contrary. Being healthy requires a balance. You’re going to have to eat out SOMETIME in your life.

It’s not because I feel like I’m going to be judged. I don’t care if some of you think that I could have made “better” food choices. Yeah, I know I could have. Fact is, I made the choices I made, and I’ll own up to them. Moroccan food was definitely worth it. So was the chicken leg, the candy, the cake, the chips.

I haven’t been tackling weight loss in full force this month. But if it’s a lifelong journey, then there’s no rush. I’m taking everything one solid step at a time. And really, I’ve just been busy. There’s been people to see, races to run, food to eat. I can’t worry about my weight all the time. I can’t work out all the time.

I’ve got a life to live, too.

Last week’s weight: 182.6

This week’s weight: 181.8 (down 0.8)

Last week’s goals:
1. Run 13 miles straight.
2. Drink a gallon of water a day.
3. Stay under 1800 calories a day.
4. Swim 500m nonstop once.
5. Bench 85 pounds 1×5.

This week’s goals:
1. Drink a gallon of water a day.
2. Stay under 1800 calories a day.
3. Swim 900m nonstop once.
4. Do one assisted pull-up with 80-pound counter.
5. Finish my first Half Marathon.

How was your weekend? What are your goals for the week?

Related posts:

1. Weigh-in #16
2. Weigh-in #18: A New Decade
3. Weigh-in #14

I realized this week that I’m changing my life because I want to get healthy, not because I want to get thin. I want to be able to run, hike, and live life to the fullest. The scale still matters, but it is no longer my primary goal.

I overcame my insecurity about being seen in public in a swimsuit. Triathlon training is more important than what some random guy thinks about my body. I’m slowly letting go of what other people think because, as long as I know that I’m improving, that’s all that matters.

I also ran my first 5K with a friend. Although the race was somewhat disorganized, I still had a great time and got to run through the CBS lot!

And truth be told, there are people at the gym that bug me. Re-rack your weights please!

Last week’s weight: 183.0

This week’s weight: 182.6 (down 0.4)

I ate out twice this week, once being an All-you-can-eat Indian buffet that was beyond delicious. Garlic naan, I have missed you.

My non-scale victory for the week: my smallest size 10s button and zip. I can walk around in them, but they are still a bit tight. Still though, it’s exciting.

Last week’s goals:
1. Finish my first 10K race on Saturday in Vibrams.
2. Make coconut curry.
3. Swim 200m nonstop once.
4. Do 4 toe push-ups in a row.
5. Run a 5K race on Sunday.

This week’s goals:
1. Run 13 miles straight.
2. Drink a gallon of water a day.
3. Stay under 1800 calories a day.
4. Swim 500m nonstop once.
5. Bench 85 pounds 1×5.

What are your goals for the week?

Related posts:

1. Weigh-in #14
2. Weigh-in #10
3. Weigh-in #15

I am liberated. Mentally.

Since Friday, I have eaten out for one meal every day. Friday night, I had carne asada fries. Saturday night, I had tortilla chips with guacamole and tortilla soup. Sunday afternoon, I had clam chowder with some calamari and fries. Last night, I had Japanese food. Rolls, steak, eggplants, tempura.

And you know what?

I don’t feel bad or guilty. At all. I didn’t binge during the meals. I ate slowly, I ate until I was full, and I was happy. I enjoyed eating out with my friends. I enjoyed making real choices at a restaurant. I enjoyed getting the “cup” size instead of the “bowl” size.

The old Jess would have freaked out, came home, sat on the couch and binged. She would have felt like crap. She would have thought that all of her efforts would have been wasted. She would have believed that she would gain 10 pounds overnight.

The new Jess?

She knows that nothing the old Jess would have believed is true. Eating out was worth it. She spent quality time with friends, making conscious decisions, but at the same time, embracing life. She knows she can’t live life eating every meal at home. She can’t hide from restaurants forever, so it was prime time she tackled and dealt with them.

I have come a long way. I have learned to accept my choices and realize that it’s not the end of the world if I eat a few french fries.

I have learned how to use comparisons in a positive light. I don’t make myself feel bad about my flaws. I just try harder to get better.

I stopped being afraid of the 180s. It won’t trip me up this time. I’m better than that.

And I keep proving to myself that I can do it. I set a new PR for my 5K and it felt great. It wasn’t a sub-30 time, but that’s ok! I’ll get there eventually.

I also got over my insecurities and hopped in the public pool last night. I swam a total of 500 meters. Not continuously, but I also haven’t been in a pool in four years. I can do this.

I am going to be a triathlete.

Last week’s weight: 186.4

This week’s weight: 183.0 (down 3.4)

I am back to my college graduation weight. In terms of BMI, I am no longer considered “obese”. And I never want to be ever again. I want to be healthy, fit, and strong.

Last week’s goals:
1. Run my 5K race in less than 33 minutes.
2. Make coconut curry.
3. Stretch after every workout.
4. Do 4 toe push-ups every day.
5. Make my bed every morning.

This week’s goals:
1. Finish my first 10K race on Saturday in Vibrams.
2. Make coconut curry.
3. Swim 200m nonstop once.
4. Do 4 toe push-ups in a row.
5. Run a 5K race on Sunday.

What are your goals for the week?

Related posts:

1. Weigh-in #14
2. Weigh-in #6
3. Weigh-in #16