My eating has been uncontrollable over the last week or so.

It’s been a mixture of mindless eating, pity eating, stress eating, and study eating.

I am eating even when I am not hungry.

The worst part?

I can’t seem to stop.

It’s as if my subconscious just keeps telling my body to search for food. It’s as if there’s a food goblin in my brain telling me to stuff myself.

I hate being out of control, especially when it comes to food.
I hate being undisciplined.
I hate feeling unbalanced.
I hate suffering from indigestion.
I hate when my stomach growls not from hunger but from overeating.

I haven’t been calorie counting nor have I been intuitively eating.

I have only been eating.

I needed to let this out somewhere. I don’t know why I’ve been postponing this post. My blog has been therapeutic for me.

I think I wanted to avoid posting about it so I didn’t have to face my problems. I wanted to brush my out-of-control eating issue aside, pretend it didn’t exist, and continue my overindulgence. But food hasn’t even been enjoyable.

It’s only been painful – mentally, emotionally, physically – because it completely throws my life out of balance. I am not using food as fuel but rather as a temporary fix, a solution, a quick drug.

I don’t want that relationship with food, so I am taking a stance against the food goblin.

This will require self-restraint as well as a few days of meticulous calorie counting so that I can force myself to become aware of exactly what I am putting into my mouth, what I am placing into my body.

I’ve been having a problem with food, but I’m hitting the stop button today.

Better now than never.

Do you ever feel like there’s a food goblin controlling your actions?

How has your week been?