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Day 87: Guilt-free Fat Grams

by Jess on April 29th, 2010 in Favorite Posts, Revelations

Most people think “unhealthy” when they think of pizza, fried rice, french fries, and ice cream.

I think YUM.

In the short two months since I re-started my weight loss journey, my relationship with food has changed. I used to be one of those people who thought pizza was evil, that pizza would make you gain 10 pounds overnight. Completely not true. The way I view food now is drastically different, and I am in a better place mentally because of it.

Why is this time different? What has changed?

My relationship with FAT GRAMS as well as my refusal to feel guilty about the foods I eat.

I used to be terrified of fat grams. I would only buy fat-free or super low-fat things. Fat-free yogurt, skim milk, fat-free cheese, you name it. Back in February, a “high” fat day was anything over 15 grams.

Low-fat was ingrained into my brain in 2006 because of weight-loss camp. I was taught that the only way to lose weight was to eat less than 20 grams of fat a day. My low-fat diet yielded some amazing results. At camp, I lost 50 pounds in 8 weeks. But I did NOT have a healthy relationship with food. Everything not low-fat was “bad”. My off-limits list was endless. No chocolate, nuts, avocados, real cheese.

However, in my mind, “off-limit” things are always better. I would crave everything on my “can’t have” list. Eventually, I would binge, feel guilty, and repeat. I punished myself with guilt.

But that mentality is quickly fading away. I’m starting to not fear fat grams. I bought reduced-fat instead of fat-free cheese the other day. AND IT ACTUALLY MELTS! I eat almond butter, which has 18 grams of fat for 2 tablespoons. And I like it.

I’ve stopped having a “NO” list because I realized that there is nothing I can’t eat.

It’s not the end of the world if I eat a brownie. Even if I have one scoop of ice cream, I’m not going to gain all the weight I’ve lost back. That one scoop will satisfy me and make my little heart happy. That one scoop is comforting because it means that nothing is off-limits, that I’m not on a diet. My liberation from low-fat is amazing. I feel as if a heavy burden has been lifted. In the past, every time I ate something “high” in fat, I would feel horrible. I would feel like I’ve failed myself, when in reality, I was far from being a failure.

Lately, my fat grams have been around 35 grams daily, roughly 20% of my total intake. And you know what? It rocks. My skin is nice and soft. My hair is healthy and not falling out. Believe me, when you eat extremely low fat, your hair does NOT grow well. You know what the best part is? I can eat REAL CHEESE. Ok, maybe not the entire block at once, but man, do I love cheese. Particularly goat and brie.

Sometimes, not all of my food choices are the best for my body. And I’m ok with that. I really like Rice Krispie treats. By really like, I mean love. A Rice Krispie treat is not going to help me run a marathon, but it certainly appeases my mind. It might not be the best fuel for my body, but it’s necessary fuel for my sanity. Without that lingering, nagging feeling of guilt, I can move on with life and re-discover the magic and joys of food.

It matters that I don’t find my food boring and repetitive. It matters that I have minimal restrictions. It matters that I don’t wish to be eating something else. It matters that I’m happy when I eat.

So I refuse to feel guilty about foods that I put into my body. Guilt is a negative emotion that breeds negative thoughts. It is a bad feeling, it is regret. Well, I’m not about to regret eating the best steak ever. I’m not about to regret eating a Double Double Animal-styled from In-n-Out. These things might not be the best options for me physically, but they satisfy a void in my mind. They make me feel like I did not sacrifice the ability to live and enjoy life, like I’m still connected to the world.

I’m no longer jealous of people who can eat chili cheese fries. I’m no longer jealous of people who can eat carne asada burritos and nachos. Because I can have those things too.

If I really want it, I’ll MAKE it. Nothing is cheaper and better than homemade.
If I can’t make it, I’ll PORTION it. Fine, maybe I’ll only eat half of that Double Double.
And if I fail at portioning it out, I’ll ENJOY every bite of it. Tomorrow is a brand new day.

In the past, I would beat myself up over one bad choice, one bad meal. That transformed into more bad choices, more bad meals. I got caught up in all the negativity and was too busy focusing on all the things I did wrong instead of celebrating all the things I did right.

So screw feeling guilty. Screw feeling upset and down about that one extra cookie you ate. It’s ONE freaking cookie, and you know it was damn delicious. It’s NOT the end of the world. It’s NOT the end of your journey. Instead, celebrate how far along you’ve come. Praise yourself for everything you did, and are doing, right. Applaud yourself for all of your hard work, for all the sweat that you’ve poured, for all the positive changes you’ve made, in your life and in others’. That way, you’ll find it much easier to let go of that extra cookie. That way, you’ll find it much easier to resume what you were doing before: being awesome.

No regrets. NO GUILT.

What are THREE things that you have done WELL today? This week? This month?

THE DAILY BITE

Cauliflower Soup – Dinner: cauliflower, onions, carrots, chicken broth, parsley, thyme, and milk topped with bacon bits and mozzarella cheese.

Consumption: 1772 calories, 18.1g of fat. (pedometer not worn)

Of course, on the day I decide to blog about my fat gram revelation, they’re on the extremely low side. Oh well. I managed to eat an entire head of cauliflower for dinner and it was actually yummy!

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Workout: Chest. Triceps. Bosu push-ups.

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Day 85: Breaking Down the Walls

by Jess on April 27th, 2010 in Favorite Posts, Mile Times, Revelations

For quite some time now, I’ve had a mental roadblock when it comes to running an 8:30 mile. I could never get past the 5:00 minute mark. I was always too tired or too out of breath. I wasn’t strong enough yet. I wasn’t good enough yet.

Excuses.

There was always an excuse, and I couldn’t get over it. For some reason, I had created a mental wall between me and my goal. The 8:30 mile became elusive, so close yet so far away. It was RIGHT there, but I could never finish.

Yesterday, I read an inspirational, and kind of crazy, article about an ultra-endurance cyclist named Jure Robic. Robic is an ultracyclist who has won the last two Insight Race Across America. Race Across America is a 3,000 mile race, and Robic completed it in NINE days. Yeah, that’s right. He cycled across the entire United States in nine days. What stood out the most to me was that, even when Robic felt completely exhausted, out of energy and sleep-deprived, even when he felt like he might die, he actually still had 50 percent more energy left to give.

It’s all a mental game.

I really wanted to break down my wall today, the wall preventing me from getting faster, from accomplishing my goal. I wanted to face my fear head-on and conquer my roadblock. I decided to give the 8:30 mile my best effort today. No stopping half way. No excuses.

About three minutes into my run, my mind began to weaken.

You can’t do this. You’re tired. Just give up. Try another day.

But I kept going. I wasn’t going to give up without a good fight. And I honestly, truly believed that I had 50 percent more left to give. I wasn’t done yet. I wasn’t finished.

I kept saying to myself out loud, “You can do this. You’ve got this.” The guy running next to me probably thought I was crazy. I didn’t care.

I kept going. There was no stopping this time. Just because my mind tells me that I’m tired doesn’t mean that I actually am. Just because my legs are tricking me into believing that they’re made of lead doesn’t mean they actually are. If I don’t listen to my legs, they will keep going. If I keep pushing forward, I will make it. I’ve still got more left to offer.

And I pressed on.

It was the longest mile of my life. My heart was pounding. My lungs were on fire. I had to constantly remind myself to take deep breaths and settle down. I focused on my form, on the midfoot strike, on a tight core, on my legs landing underneath my body and propelling me forward. It was the longest mile. Ever.

When 7 minutes showed up on the treadmill, I bumped up the speed. I wanted to finish in 8:30 so badly, and I was SO CLOSE. Was it finally going to happen? Will my mental wall fall?

Nope. I didn’t make the 8:30 mile.

I finished in 8:36. Six seconds too slow. Six seconds short of my goal. Six freaking seconds.

Could I have run faster? Could I have pushed harder?

It doesn’t matter. What happened happened already. I could ponder everything I did incorrectly, but it’s not going to change the fact that I didn’t run an 8:30 today. What WILL happen is that I will run it again tomorrow. And the day after that. And even the day after that. Every day until I get that 8:30.

I am chipping away at my mental roadblock. The 8:30 is not so elusive any more. It really IS within reach. I can do this. This wall I created in my mind is slowly coming down. I’m hammering away and breaking down my self-doubt.

Even though I didn’t make it in 8:30 today, I know that I can do it now. I know that even if I’m dead tired, I still have 50 percent more left to give. I’ve still got more to offer. I just have to believe in myself and realize my full potential. No excuses.

Soon, that 8:30 will be mine. Eventually, that wall will come crashing down, and I will be able to move forward at last.

There’s a wall, a mental roadblock, in every aspect of this weight loss, healthy living journey. We doubt ourselves constantly. We don’t believe that we can make it to the end because we get tired. We get fatigued. We get frustrated. And we want to give up because we think that we have no energy left, that we have nothing more to give. But it’s not true.

We are stronger than we believe, both mentally and physically. We just have to believe it. We’ve still got 50 percent more left to give.

So go the distance. Press forward. Break down your walls. Become an ultra-endurance version of yourself. You have it in you. Just believe it.

What are your walls? What’s holding you back? What’s preventing you from becoming an ultra-version of yourself?

THE DAILY BITE

Shrimp & Chicken Pad Thai – Dinner: rice noodles, egg beaters, bean sprouts, chicken breast, shrimp, shallots, garlic, and green onions stir-fried with tamarind paste, fish sauce, sugar, and chili sauce.