After last week’s poor eating, my mind was only filled with negative thoughts. And all I could do was compare myself to my previous self. Sounds weird, right?

You know how other people compare themselves with others? Well, I guess I do that too, but I just couldn’t stop thinking of where I am now compared with where I was January of 2011. I was at the lowest weight I’ve ever been. Training hard, lifting heavy, being bad ass.

And now? Man. I can’t even run a 12-minute mile.

It’s hard to think of the “what was” and move on because in my head, I just think of how big of a failure I am.

Why did I ever let myself go? How did I get here?

And then it dawned on me that my mind just wasn’t in the right place. I had a lot of issues going on, a lot of unexpected disasters, and yes, a shit ton of excuses.

The worst thing I can do is look at the past and focus on the “what could have been” because you can never change the past. I can only take control of the present.

So the one thing I keep telling myself is to take everything one day at a time.

Instead of beating myself up each time I “fail,” I give myself a mental pat on the back for each victory I accomplish. Ok, so my accomplishment is nothing compared to where I was a year ago, but hey, compared to where I was a week ago, it’s a huge step!

I think it’s important to focus on weight loss, marathon training, healthy eating, healthy body image one day at a time because every day IS a battle. If we focus on the war, we just get overwhelmed which makes it easier to just call it quits.

My mantra for the rest of the month: One day at a time, one step at a time.

And my little win for the day? I ran, without walking, a full 5K distance. Took me 42 minutes at a pace of 13:35 a mile, but the important thing is that I did it.

I have to remember that I have to train myself to get better, which will take time, but that’s ok.

I can do this.

What’s your win for the day/week/month?

So I’ve been kicking my ass at the gym, and it feels good. Really good.

But I haven’t been eating clean. At all. And you can’t work off a bad diet. Period.

I do so well during the day and can curb my hunger, but after a strong workout at the gym, I go home starving. Does this happen to anybody? Or is it just me…

And then I just eat. And eat. It just feels like I can’t stop feeling hungry. Granted I have been shoveling myself with veggies and lean protein, it’s just endless hunger.

The worst part? I somehow convince myself that it’s ok to gorge because I worked out hard. Ugh. Worst. Thing. Ever. Because then everything becomes “oh, it’s ok” when it actually isn’t.

Because I have fallen off the wagon and am still trying to get back into the swing of things, I really don’t want to sabotage myself right at the beginning.

Why is it so hard? I’m trying to figure out the demons in my head.

Sometimes, I don’t have answers. And today is one of them. But I guess the best thing to do is to stick with it, not give up on myself, and remember that slow and steady wins the race.

Oh, and I’ll be updating on Sundays with weekly progress reports. Starting weight. Loss per week. Push-up count. Bench, squat, deadlift amounts. This way I’ll have a way to track my progress and maybe if I focus on the big picture, I can stop feeling so negative about my little setbacks.

What do you tell yourself when you feel like giving up?