I used to hate shopping.

Why?

Because I’m just not girlie.

Shopping is…
…a waste of time.
…a waste of money.
…a waste of living.

Instead of pampering myself with clothing, I chose to spoil myself with traveling, camera equipment, and records.

But the tomboy act was all an excuse.

Truth be told, I avoided the dressing room because I didn’t want to put on something that didn’t fit. Each article of clothing that was too small or too tight made me feel insecure and horrible about myself.

Clothes made me face the truth, the harsh reality that I am fat.

My frustration with my body turned into hatred for stylish, cute clothing because those types of clothes reminded me of everything that I wasn’t. I think a piece of me cried inside each time I couldn’t fit into a top I liked.

I masked my hurt and pain with dislike because hating something is easier than trying to fix the problem.

I was so convinced that I hated shopping. I think the last time I shopped for fashionable clothing was back in 2006.

Insecure much?

On Tuesday, I randomly decided to go shopping at Ross with my mom.

What the hell, why not?

I wanted new dresses. I wanted to feel good about my body, ditch the old clothes and embrace my feminine side.

And guess what?

Everything I tried on fit! The sizes ranged from 11 to 14 but it didn’t matter. Every dress and jacket I tried on zipped or buttoned.

I no longer have to buy clothes out of necessity. I can now pick my clothes and not have my clothes pick me.

I can choose to not buy something because I didn’t like how it fit, not because it couldn’t fit.

I ended up buying my first pair of leggings, and they actually look decent on me.

Who would’ve thought…

I realized that I thoroughly enjoy shopping, even though it is an extremely tedious and tiresome sport. Seriously.

Shopping is a workout in and of itself. An amazing one, too.

Here’s a look at me and my lovely haul (all for under $100) with special guests Monster Calves and Squinty Eyes.

Dress #1

Dress #2

Dress #3

Dress #4

Dress #5

Dress #6

Dress #7

 

Do you enjoy shopping?

What’s your favorite store to shop in?

How do you shop on a budget?

Originally, I didn’t want to weigh-in today. But I decided that I needed to resume my official weekly weigh-ins.

They keep me focused.
They keep me motivated.
They keep me goal-oriented (even if I don’t achieve my goals every week).

I don’t accomplish the goals I set all the time. But having them there, knowing that there are things I want to achieve, forces me to work and strive harder.

I didn’t meet any of my goals this week.

Not even a single one.

And that’s ok.

I tried.

But I overestimated my strengths and abilities this week while goal-setting. I thought I would be able to do a two-minute wall-sit easily, but after a week of plenty of leg work and running, my quads weren’t feeling it.

I thought I’d be able to do a two-minute plank by now. Close, but not quite.

I didn’t get my swim in. No excuses. I just didn’t do it.

And Tara, I give you permission to nag me about making your dish. It’s taken awhile (far too long).

I barely even cook for myself now. I need to get back into the kitchen. I like it there. I like creating food, but I just haven’t felt that burst of creativity.

You know when writers have writer’s block? I have cooking and photography block.

Where’s my muse?

I need to rekindle my love for cooking soon.

The thing I’m most proud of this week was realizing that being vulnerable can be a beautiful feeling. It has helped me grow as a person, and even though I always want to put up a very powerful, strong appearance, I’ve discovered that I’m actually very sensitive.

The most important thing I’ve learned from this experience:
You can only fail if you stop trying.

Never give up.

 

Last week’s weight: 178.2

This week’s weight: 177.0 (down 1.2)

Last week’s goals:
1. Pack 1 box to ship to DC.
2. Swim 1600 meters.
3. Do a 2-minute plank.
4. Do a 2-minute wall chair.
5. Make Tara’s Couswalnachalicious.

This week’s goals:
1. Pack 1 box to ship to DC.
2. Swim 1600 meters.
3. Do a 2-minute plank.
4. Do a 2-minute wall chair.
5. Make Tara’s Couswalnachalicious.

Same goals. New week.

 

Do you like to cook?

What are your inspirations for cooking?

What is one new food/dish you’ve tried this week?

Random: How much do you love Nutella and/or peanut butter?